I must be too annoying 4 u.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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