Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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