do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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