A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
