Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
