you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize