I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How's work?
Spinning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
