How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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