Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
