I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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