i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
