I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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