what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
