If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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