Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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