Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair