Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno