I think my vagina is haunted
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...