doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
