i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory