3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
