Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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