Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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