Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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