so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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