im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How external is "for external use only"?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
