All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
