I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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