Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
