She announced her abortion via fbk
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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