ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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