So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
