the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My friends, they love my intelligence
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
