It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
