I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
