I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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