i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
