I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
