Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
