cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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