Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
