Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
