Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
