You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
