Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
