im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
