he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
