It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
