If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
