i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
