part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
