Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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