Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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