You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
