i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
