i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
