Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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