a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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