were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
