After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
