i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A+ Viking dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
