Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
