Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
