I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
