I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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