I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
