I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
