this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
