pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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