Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
