You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
