I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
