someone threw a dead crab at me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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