but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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