You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
