On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
