I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
