I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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