oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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