I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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