im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
