dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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